Reclaiming HER Sensuality: Healing Intimacy and Self-Rediscovery with Tyne Evans
Robrenna is joined by Leontyne 'Tyne' Evans, a licensed marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and counselor. They discuss the challenges and importance of reclaiming sensuality and intimacy after toxic or abusive relationships. The conversation explores how emotional, psychological. sexual, spiritual, and relational harm can affect body autonomy, desire, and safety. They also discuss how purity culture influences body image and sexual experiences, the difference between sensuality and sexuality, and the importance of slow, steady self-compassion in the healing process.
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This transcript was generated and has been edited for clarity.
Reclaiming Sensuality Transcript
Robrenna: Welcome back, reclaiming Women. I'm your story coach Robrenna Parker. Before you listen. I wanna prepare you, in this episode, I'm joined by a licensed sex therapist. We have an honest conversation about reclaiming sensuality after toxic or abusive relationships. We use anatomically correct language and speak directly about body and intimacy that may feel more candid than what you are used to hearing from me.
It's not for sensationalism; it's direct and clinical language. We also address how emotional, psychological, sexual, spiritual, and relational harm can impact body, autonomy, desire, and safety. Please listen in a way that honors your nervous system, and if anything feels activating, pause and care for yourself.
As always. Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
Robrenna: All right, reclaiming women. Today we are exploring something tender and often misunderstood, and that is what it means to reconnect with your sensual self after toxic or abusive experiences and how messages from purity culture can shape the way we experience our bodies, our pleasure, and our sense of desire.
And so today I would like to welcome our guest, Leontyne Evans. She is a licensed counselor and sex therapist who is also an abuse survivor and an advocate for domestic violence survivors. Thank you for joining us today, teen. Why don't you tell us a little more about yourself?
Leontyne: Well, you did such a good job.
I, I mean, like you said, I'm Leon Teen Evans. I go by teen. Um, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and sex and intimacy counselor, and drug and alcohol counselor. Mm-hmm. Um, if there was anything else to do in this world, it would just be get another license. Like this is, this is my love, this is my zone.
This is my lane. I love it here.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: Um, and I love that you said. Also has experienced these things like, 'cause that's not my identity.
Robrenna: Right. Lived experience. Yeah. It may have shaped you, but it does not define you.
Leontyne: Yes, absolutely. Even, even being a therapist or a counselor, that is not my identity. That is a role that I have that's just.
A part. That's something I do. It's not who I am. Right. So I love that you introduced it that way.
Robrenna: Awesome. Okay. So I do know that you support women, um, as both a counselor and a sex therapist. And I wanna know what inspired you to support women in reconnecting with their bodies and sensuality in particular?
Leontyne: You have to, excuse me. I'm gonna be doing these little dances. 'cause I get so excited about it. It's like, eh, I just love it and I love us talking about these things because it is so taboo and, people can't openly have these conversations. And I love to, I love to make people uncomfortable with it, even so, right.
But yeah, to answer your question, I think, um, honestly, I just saw a lot of women as a therapist, like sitting across from me that were disconnected from themselves, like brilliant, successful, like amazing women that have. Nothing like they feel nothing. They're just numb. They're just there. And just ashamed of pleasure and what it feels like to actually enjoy the experience of sex and intimacy, or even not even knowing what intimacy was.
Um, coming from a Christian background and, uh, uh, having experienced, um, sexual abuse. Also, understanding what that feels like to wonder, am I supposed to like this? Like when something, when pleasure has been taken from you? Mm-hmm. If something has been taken from you, how do you learn to enjoy that?
How do you, mm-hmm. How do you rewire your nervous system? So if I had these questions and I felt like that. Imagine how many other people have this and, and then, you know, throwing Christianity into it or spirituality into it, and women's role in sexuality.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: And there was no one who looked like me to have these conversations.
Robrenna: Hmm.
Leontyne: So if there's not a table, you build one.
Robrenna: Right. I love that. I love that. And we know that sensuality and sexuality, they're distinct, but they're also interconnected. And I, so I'd like to know how you define sensuality in a way that feels grounding and honoring.
Leontyne: Um, sensuality for me is, it's sexy, but it's, it's an inner sexy, it is fully being present in your body and experiencing it with all of your senses, like
Robrenna: mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Noticing the warmth of your body, the softness of your skin. When you eating, you're savoring the food. You're not just eating the food, you're experiencing the food that is sensuality. Hmm. So incorporating all of these things into your sexual experience, but just. Your everyday life, like you can be sensual and not be sexual.
Robrenna: Yes. That's how you said that.
Leontyne: People be confused.
Robrenna: Yes. I'm so glad you said that because yes, I agree that sensuality is, it can be an everyday. Practices. And it can also be like, if you like to dance, you know, how do you feel in movement? Yes. And so I I am,
Leontyne: It's not about performance, it's not about pressure.
It's, it's not about anyone else. It's, it's literally about your own inner experience and your inner being with yourself.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Yeah. Sensuality should be an experience of self-love. That's really what it is.
Robrenna: Mm. I love that. So can you talk about the role of trauma bonding in relationships where sensuality and sex feel intense or euphoric?
Um, even when the relationship is harmful, I.
Leontyne: Oh, trauma bonds. Trauma bonds create like an emotional whiplash. Like there's the high highs and then the low lows and the roller, the rollercoaster that just amplifies everything, right? Mm-hmm. So that's including sex and sensuality. Like your body can, can easily confused, like adrenaline, right?
So like we feel as adrenaline. And we think that's desire. Mm. We think that's love. We think that's, but it, it's, it's adrenaline and your, your, your hormones are racing and we don't know how to differentiate between chaos and chemistry.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: That's a big difference. So
Robrenna: that's really good chaos and chemistry, because you have the, you have dopamine and you have the oxytocin.
Like all of those are like all things, the connecting, uh, hormones connecting you to an individual. Uh, but that individual might be harmful to you, but.
Leontyne: Even when it's harmful, you still experience those things. And so that intensity feels familiar, right. Um, but it, it, it's addictive, right? So Right. Those hormones that are being released are the same hormones that are released when people are on drugs.
Mm-hmm. Or on, on drinking alcohol. Mm-hmm. So your body doesn't know the difference. So when people say that they are crazy in love. It it really be
Robrenna: Right, right,
Leontyne: right, right. You, you really are high off of that person and your body is signaling you to attach, even if it's an unhealthy attachment.
Robrenna: Oh, I love that you, how you broke that down, because that does, what people don't understand about that trauma bond is you're always looking for that next hit, and so when they are pulling away from you, you're moving forward because you.
You need that hit. And so I love that you did that comparison.
Leontyne: Mm-hmm.
Robrenna: Uh, because it is a addictive cycle.
Leontyne: Mm-hmm.
Robrenna: Um, that that hit.
Leontyne: Absolutely.
Robrenna: Okay. So what helps women understand that? Oh, this is, I love this question. What helps women understand that intensity is not the same as intimacy? And that pleasure doesn't always mean safety.
Leontyne: Ooh. That, that right there.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: We can experience pleasure in the most toxic environments.
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: A secret that I learned as a therapist is the most toxic people are usually the best in other areas because people can use sex as a weapon. Yes. And so a lot of abusers. May perform well sexually because that is a tactic to keep you in the web.
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: So, um, I just hope women slow down, like slow down and separate the emotional experience from the psychological one and the physiological one. Um, intensity is fast. It's, it's, it's adrenaline, it's racing. It's exciting, it's consuming, it's overwhelming.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Intimacy is steady. It's consistent. It, it's safe, it's quiet, it's calm.
Intimacy is, is actually the exact opposite of intensity. So if you're wondering, well, what's the difference? Look how fast you're going. Look how fast this move look, it's always a thrill chasing kind of thrill seeking.
Robrenna: Yes,
Leontyne: dopamine seeking, right. That's not intimacy. Mm-hmm.
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: Intimacy is calmer and slower.
So, um, just learning to ask, do I feel safe? Am I rushing? Am I, am I, am I seeking something? Am I, am I dopamine seeking or can I relax? Can I just sit in your presence, sit in this, this moment without feeling like we have to do something. We have to be like, that's the difference for me is just slow versus.
The thrill. Right. The thrill of the case.
Robrenna: Yeah. That kind of goes with the last two questions that we answer. So the one about sensuality, which is within the presence.
Leontyne: Mm-hmm.
Robrenna: And it can be with anything, like you said, you slow down and savor your food. And then when we talked about the trauma bond, this mm-hmm.
The seeking of that hit. Yeah. And so that intimacy and that intensity that goes right along with that.
Leontyne: Yeah.
Robrenna: Yeah. So,
Leontyne: and think about anything else that we do fast, right? Even like you just said about eating.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: You eat too fast, you choke.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: That's what happens, right? You drive too fast, you crash, and the faster you're going, the worse the crash is.
Like anything that's too fast and too intense isn't gonna end well.
Robrenna: Mm. I love that. Okay, so. Uh, how do you help women different, differentiate between sensual desire and trauma reenactment, especially when their bodies have learned to associate that intensity with connection? And then how does this confusion impact sensual healing?
Leontyne: So I like to help women ask the why, like. Figure out the why behind the attraction and the attachment. Like, are you drawn to someone because they make you feel alive, they make you feel awake, they, they make you feel that excitement and that thrill like we just talked about.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Or is it because they feel a void?
They remind you of something? Um, a lot of those empty spaces we have, and so we naturally attach, trying to fill in those, those spaces. That's a part of therapy that people skip, the processing. Like when I say process, I don't mean just think about this on repeat. Right. Until you're tired of thinking about it.
Yeah.
Robrenna: That's rumination when I trying to tell you to ruminate,
Leontyne: Right. Processing means sitting down and figuring out the who, what, when, where, and why. When was the last time I felt like this? How did that end up? How did that make me feel when that happened? Mm. Why am I feeling this way? What is like actually answering those questions?
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: And when we don't take that time and it's just, oh, they smell good. Like, like dog and heat, like just, you just sniff something out and you, you feel that attraction and you just wanna hump, like, just, just wait, sit down.
Robrenna: Oh my goodness. Okay. So I, I wanna talk about narcissistic dynamics, um, because a narcissistic. Narcissistic relationships, as we pointed out earlier, that sex can, it can serve as a way to bond, to control, to manipulate. Also, on the flip side, though, uh, it can also be used as a form of punishment through withholding affection or intimacy.
So how does. This impacts a woman's body image, self-worth, and their sensual confidence. And then what are the effects on her relationship with her own desire, having to endure or having had to endure that type of relationship?
Leontyne: So this breaks my heart. It makes me sad. Yeah, it makes me sad because narcissistic dynamics teach women that their bodies are tools.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: Um, either to bring them pleasure or to be used or to be punished like you are a tool. Your, your vagina is a tool. You don't own it. It is it, here's the purpose of it, right? So when affection is weaponized or withheld, it creates insecurities, it creates, it rewires the nervous system. It, it changes the way that you internalize pleasure, right?
Um. They just start, they, when you see a woman who be, who has sex with multiple people. Right. And it's not, uh, it's not for her. It's, it's, well, they love, they said they love me, and then I had sex with him, but then they left me, and then he came along and said I was beautiful. So I had sex with him. And so then like, and we just keep this cycle because our sexuality and our bodies are now attached to our value.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: And if I don't have sex with you, you don't see value in me.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: And that's what we internalize. So they question everything. They question their attractiveness. They, they question their intuition.
They don't even trust themselves.
Robrenna: Exactly.
Leontyne: They don't trust their own needs or, or, or trust what even makes them happy anymore.
Robrenna: Right.
Leontyne: It's what you tell me.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: It's what, what, what the world says. What, what, whoever I'm with says, and it, it, it, it basically destroys. Their essential and sexual confidence.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: So then they don't even trust their own bodies. They don't trust how their body is responding. They don't trust that, that gut instincts anymore.
Robrenna: Yeah.
Leontyne: They basically are now conforming to whoever they are with, they become a chameleon.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Also, I find it to be, especially if they have, if punishment through withholding.
Then there's a lot of, I am not desirable. Like, you don't even believe that you are desirable. And so then that can lead to, uh, 'cause there's something called, uh, sexual, an anorexia where you just like, I'm just not going to even
Leontyne: Yeah.
Robrenna: You like even participate at all. Yeah. And so, well
Leontyne: We just, we know that women are, are head down.
And men are, are down up. So we, we, we have to be mentally, emotionally, in a good place to even understand desire, feel, desire, all of those things. And so when you have been sexually abused mentally, I know that's, that's the lot right there, but sexually abused mentally.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Um, desire goes away. And I will have people that go to the doctor and trying to get their hormones and stuff checked and trying to take more B12 and all of that.
And it has nothing, it's nothing wrong with you medically.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: It's mentally, this has the connect for her to connect.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: So,
Robrenna: yeah. Okay. So for women who've experienced, um. Coercion and manipulation or trauma in past relationships, how does purity culture, the framework, make it even harder for them to name their experience as non-consensual, which I just want to put out there.
You can be in a marriage and have non-consensual sex. I just wanna put that out there. That is a marriage, a relationship. It's a real thing. Yes, it's a real thing.
Leontyne: Absolutely. Um. This is another thing that makes me sad because purity culture teaches us that good women don't get in situations like that.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: It places the responsibility on them to prevent harm instead of the person that committed the harm.
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: Like, um, when coercion happens, women blame themselves because they were taught to see pressure manipulation or emotional force as violations. They weren't taught, um. So then they internalized the shame.
They minimized the pain because they were told Consent is only about saying yes or no.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Not about the power or fear or survival. A lot of times when we are in these situations, we are silenced. We [00:18:00] lose our, we physically lose our voice.
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: We cannot say, but that doesn't mean that they wanted it, they, that doesn't mean that they enjoyed it or that they, um, that they didn't fight it.
It just. Well, they fawn
Robrenna: or froze.
Leontyne: They froze. Yeah. There's a psychological freeze that's happening. Mm-hmm. But because you did not fight, because you did not scream and yell because somebody didn't come get you and put you in the back of a white van, it it, it wasn't, it wasn't that. Right.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Mm-hmm. But if you prayed enough, if you, if you didn't wear that, if you carried yourself as a better woman and, and, and all of those things, then these things wouldn't happen.
Mm-hmm. That's a load of crap. Once again, it just victimizes us. The, the, yeah. The people and that people who are being harmed instead of looking at the perpetrator who has caused the harm.
Robrenna: Yes. And also I wanna say that, um, it could be a nice guy that you're on a date with. Mm-hmm. Like, it [00:19:00] doesn't have to be in a forceful.
Coercion is not necessarily forceful. It can be very usually subtle, right? It can be very subtle, it can be guilt, guilting, shaming. Um, and I know I, in my generation, we didn't talk about consent a lot like. We do now.
Leontyne: Yeah.
Robrenna: And a lot of times there was a, a thought of, well, if they're already in the process, I just gotta let it happen whether I wanted to or not.
Or if I said yes
Leontyne: yesterday, if I said yes last time.
Robrenna: Yes, yes. And so I'm so glad that people are talking about it more now and, and letting young women know that anytime,
Leontyne: yeah.
Robrenna: You are feeling a no, it's a no.
Leontyne: It's a no.
Robrenna: Yeah.
Leontyne: And it's not, and honestly, it's not just women. I, I wanna be, be clear that, thank you anyone.
Yes. I'm glad you said that. Um, this type [00:20:00] of coercion or, um, sexual assault, it, women are talked about less, but women do abuse
Robrenna: Oh yeah.
Leontyne: On a high level, just like men do. So thank you for that. Those identify as women or men, whatever, whatever, whatever. We can go on and on about that. But yes. Um. Men are victimized too.
And once again, because you didn't fight off or say no, or scream or whatever. I feel like with men, it it, even if you did say no, it doesn't matter.
Robrenna: They can freeze too. I mean, this isn't, the freezing is, is a trauma response, so anybody can go into that.
Leontyne: Just, just because your body reacts
Robrenna: mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Does not mean that you.
Have to go through with a sexual encounter.
Robrenna: Right, right. I know we talked about, um, like when women feel guilty or people we're gonna say people feel guilty or ashamed for freezing or complying or staying silent, which are all typical, uh, trauma responses. Um, or responses in these types of situations. How can you support women who struggle to feel safe or comfortable in their bodies?
Leontyne: Yeah. Um, first, just reminding them that these responses are not choices. Just like we just talked about. There may be an erection. That doesn't mean that that was your choice. There may be other stimulation. That doesn't mean it was a choice. It's survival mechanism, but also it's biology. It, it's how your body is trained to work, but the body also freezes to protect you.
The body is smart guy. Yeah, like the body is smart. The body does things. We think that we control our body. Our body controls us. We like our body is going to do things rather we want it to or not, because that's how the nervous system works. So the body freezes to protect you. It says, Robrenna, you've been here before.
This doesn't feel safe for you.
Robrenna: Right.
Leontyne: This is, this is how we're protecting you right now.
Robrenna: Right.
Leontyne: But also, compliance is a trauma response. Mm-hmm. It's not consent. Compliance is not consent. Can we put that, I'm gonna put that on my next shirt. Right. Compliance is not consent. Mm-hmm. Um, silence is often the safest option when in a dangerous moment when we talk about survivors leaving an abusive situation.
Leaving is the most dangerous time.
Robrenna: Exactly.
Leontyne: When I, I think it was like 73% of victims of domestic violence. They, they die trying to leave or after they have left. Mm-hmm. It, it, it wasn't during. Mm-hmm. So that silence is the safest option to not make something more dangerous. Right. When women understand that their reactions were adaptive and not shameful.
They begin to release the guilt that they've been carrying.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. Um,
Leontyne: my role is to help them just create the safety in their bodies again. Mm-hmm. So that they respond differently in the future. We have to [00:23:00] rewire the nervous system
Robrenna: Yes.
Leontyne: So that it can respond differently.
Robrenna: Yes. That's it right there. The re pattering and the rewiring, uh, of the nervous system.
Leontyne: Yes.
Robrenna: Okay. So how do you help clients rebuild trust in their bodies when purity culture messages have contributed to the disconnection or fear? And what do you see clinically when women have internalized these messages that their bodies are. Their bo, their bodies or their desire are dangerous, sinful, or untrustworthy.
Leontyne: Our bodies are sacred and beautiful, but we start with just a little gentle curiosity instead of judgment. I create safe spaces where you can ask questions and we can be curious and we can try new things. Teach you how to try new things and explore your body in a way that doesn't feel shameful. Mm. I help them explore sensations, their desires and boundaries.
Right? Mm. Um, boundaries from a, from a place of permission, you, you have permission to set a boundary sexually. Mm-hmm.
Robrenna: You
Leontyne: don't have to, even during mm-hmm. I teach women how to communicate effectively during sex.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: You actually can say, no, I don't like that. Uh, Nope. You, that wasn't great for me.
Mm-hmm. But there's so much shame that they feel that they're projecting onto the other person, that it's hard to, to vocalize those things. So I teach them how to do that in a safe way, that it is more sensual versus judgment or, or shamefulness. Um, but clinically I see a lot of fear in suppression and, and, and disconnecting women raised with purity messaging.
Uh, so rebuilding trust just looks like learning to feel without fear and without shame.
Robrenna: Yeah, I appreciate that. Also what you said when we first started, like understanding the, your sensations. Uh, I know I lived in dissociation. I think I was 55 when I realized, oh, I don't girl you in
Leontyne: 55 now. What you talking about?
Robrenna: I'm 58.
Leontyne: Get outta here.
Robrenna: But yeah, I remember, I remember thinking, wow, I don't know how to feel. Like, like, I don't know what this feels like, like, I don't know what sense heaviness in my chest feels like. I know I have, like I know when I was anxious, but I couldn't describe sensations to you, so I couldn't say, my heart's beating fast.
Like my head is hot. Like I couldn't, I couldn't describe it. Um, and that's part of that. Having to dissociate outside of yourself like you can't feel because if you do, you're so overwhelmed you can't go back into your window of tolerance. And I didn't know then. I didn't know how to regulate myself. I didn't know how to breathe.
I didn't know how to talk myself like through a situation. So I just. Shut off the feelings. I just turned off that water, turned off that faucet, nothing's coming out. I feel nothing. And so I had to learn. Um, and that's when I started taking all those, I started taking classes on nervous system regulation, how to feel your body sensations, how to name them, how to even envision them in colors and textures and, and so, yeah, and I'm sure I'm not the only person.
Like that, that I don't even, I can't even tell you what I'm feeling.
Leontyne: Absolutely. That's a common response after you've experienced trauma.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: You don't know. But when I will say, even without trauma, we don't, a lot of us don't have these conversations, and so we don't know what it's supposed to feel like.
Right. We don't know what's supposed to happen. We are just here. You just, you've had sex for the first time, or you're in this relationship for the first time and it's [00:27:00] just like. Okay. Like, what do we do? Because we don't talk about these things. It's, mm-hmm. Like I said, it's so taboo that we, we silence the conversation and just let people figure it out on their own, and they often figure it out wrong.
Robrenna: Right. And, and a lot of times in a harmful way. Yeah. In a
Leontyne: very harmful way. Yes.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. So what does reclaiming sexuality look like for someone who was taught that pleasure should be minimized, avoided, tightly controlled, and how can women better understand their bodies? Yes and no when it comes to intimacy.
And you, you alluded to that a little bit when you were talking about setting the boundaries.
Leontyne: Yeah. So reclaiming sensuality looks like giving yourself full permission. It. We we're back to that. Giving yourself permission to experience pleasure in even small, steady ways throughout normal days. It goes back to sensuality versus sexuality, right?
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Um, I teach people that intimacy is a all day long experience. It's not just in the bedroom. Intimacy is small conversations. It, it's sending cute pictures. It's, it's all kind of things. And sensuality is the same way, like we talked about with food and everyday things. Sensuality is not sexuality.
It, it does not have to be experienced at the same time. Sensuality a warm shower. Taking a warm shower and just feeling the warm water on your body, feeling the towel, the, the texture of the towel against your skin, closing your eyes, taking a deep breath that you can actually feel
Robrenna: mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Giving yourself permission to feel slowly and steady and in your time.
What feels good to you, what doesn't feel good to you, and, and naming that, what's too rough? What's too soft? Mm-hmm. Um. Listening to music and allowing your body to just move flow with the beat. It's learning the difference between your Yes. Your no, and not yet. I'm not ready to [00:29:00] move on from this yet.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: I, I need a few more minutes in the shower and being okay with not rushing your body to feel,
So just allowing your body to feel what it needs to feel, move, how it needs to move, and giving your permission to not rush it.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Mm-hmm. Um, even side, like even with orgasms, people rush them. Like, I just want to get to the thing. Slow down, breathe, take in the moment. Um, over time, that builds confidence, right? And, safety and ownership.
Robrenna: So why is it important to experience the body with compassion and presence for, uh, healing and faith-based sexual shame? And how can women handle the shame or fear when they embrace pleasure?
Leontyne: Let me, let me watch my words.
Maybe that's why I'm getting scrambled.
So it's important because shame disconnects you from your body. [00:30:00]
Robrenna: Hmm.
Leontyne: Um, compassion. So shame disconnects you. Compassion reconnects you.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: You have to be compassionate with yourself. Presence allows you to experience your body without judgment, and I'm gonna say that over and over and over again. Giving yourself permission to experience your body without judgment from others, but more importantly, not judgment from yourself.
Mm-hmm. Being okay with touching yourself, with feeling yourself, with connecting with yourself. Mm-hmm. When women learn to sit with themselves, it, it interrupts the shame narrative that they've created in their head or that, um, abuse and trauma has created. And then we can create a new narrative that is rooted in worthiness and value and healing.
And that just takes compassion. Mm-hmm. And slow and steady. Consistent love, self-love to create a new self-worth. Um, so just being present, presence allows you to see your body as God created it, not as man desires it. Mm.
Robrenna: Yeah. One of the things that I realize when I'm working with clients sometimes, and I'll ask them to self.
Soothe by like, uh, embracing their arms, like putting your arms around yourself, like a hug. Mm-hmm. And then just to, you know, um, smooth soothe yourself, like when your hands, hands up and down and some people can't do it. They're say, Ooh, that I don't like that. That feels icky. That's what some people will say.
I don't, you know, I'm like, okay, that's not comfortable for you then, you know, don't do it. But to me, I do. That's, uh, that, that says something to me. The fact that this says a lot can't. Yes. Yeah.
Leontyne: It says a lot. I do a lot of mirror work.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: And the amount of people who can't look themselves in their eyes.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: When you look in the mirror, you see your imperfections. You see what you need to fix, you need, you see what you have to do to get through the day. Mm-hmm. But you can't look at yourself. You can't look at your, look through your eyes and see your soul. Mm-hmm. You can't connect with yourself. I have people look in the mirror and they just cry.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: They are so disconnected with the person in the mirror that they just cry.
Robrenna: Hmm.
Leontyne: I tell them, until you can become truly naked with yourself and have that level of intimacy with yourself, you should not be doing it with others.
Robrenna: Mm, mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Yeah. Connect
Robrenna: with
Leontyne: you first. Connection and compassion with yourself first.
Robrenna: I agree. All that compassion you wanna pour out to someone else, poured onto yourself.
Leontyne: Absolutely.
Robrenna: I, I did do a, an episode about self-intimacy and it had nothing to do with sex. It had to do with your inner world and connecting within yourself.
Leontyne: Yes.
Robrenna: And providing yourself all that love that you're looking for on the outside. Give it to yourself. Absolutely. Um, and so I, I totally, totally, uh, agree with that. So what does, uh, claiming sensuality look beyond sexuality, which we did hit on this a bit. One of the things you were talking about is when you take a shower. Uh, savor your food. Um, there's something that I, and I went through a self-compassion course.
I'm gonna go to part two, but they have you, when you make your coffee, like the mindfulness part of it, you know, you really pay attention to how you're putting the grounds in. I was like, wow. I mean, it takes a long time to make your coffee when you pay attention to every little thing. So what's your take on that?
Well,
Leontyne: I feel like that's the problem. We rush everything.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: But when you just slow the heck down, everything is a central experience.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: Everything makes you feel so like you're making that coffee, but you take those deep breaths and you're actually. Inhaling the aroma.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: And what that does to the brain and what that does to your body.
How does that make you feel? What is happening inside of you? Are the hairs sticking up or are, are the little bumps coming? Like what, what does your body actually feel learning how to separate emotions from feelings?
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: When I tell people, be okay with feeling, I'm not talking about be okay with being sad, happy, or mad.
I'm saying be in tuned with what you feel, what your body naturally does in those situations. Mm-hmm. So, yes. When you're in the shower, take your time. Just take two seconds, five seconds, and just let the water touch your body and tell me how it feels.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Not what emotion it triggers, but what it feels like.
Robrenna: Right.
Leontyne: That's what reclaiming sensuality is about. It's, it's what feels good emotionally, spiritually, mentally. It's creatively resting and being in softness and, and, and movement and laughter and joy. It, it sensuality becomes a way of relating to yourself and relating to the world. It has nothing to do with sex or anybody else.
Sensuality is within you.
Robrenna: Mm, I like that. So how can women begin to see their bodies as. Not as obstacles to holiness, but as sacred, wise, and worthy of care.
Leontyne: I think people, I I, I'm trying to stop saying Women, uh, people have to understand that embodiment is spiritual, okay? The body is not separate from holiness. Your body is a part of creation. You can honor God and honor your body at the same time.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: When women treat their, when people treat their bodies with care, resting, feeding it, touching it, listening to it, they begin to see the sacredness that that is inside of you.
All along. God created all things He created us and I, I, I, you know, I, I like to think I'm real close with him. I like to think we here. Mm-hmm. And I just don't believe that he created any of us to feel shame, pain, or embarrassment with something he made.
Robrenna: Mm.
Leontyne: This is of him.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: And because it's of him, it's something I should be proud of.
It's something I should enjoy.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Don't, aren't we supposed to enjoy all of God's gifts?
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: This is God's gift, baby. And I will enjoy it.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. So what does gentle return to your body? What does that mean to you?
Leontyne: When I read that question, I, I had to sit and think about that. Like, what does that mean?
And I think it's an invitation to come home.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm. Come
Leontyne: home to yourself. It's a slow process of noticing what [00:37:00] your body needs and what, what is holding inside the, the, the trauma that is embedded in your nervous system.
Robrenna: Hmm.
Leontyne: What it's craving, what does it need? Is it, is it dopamine seeking? Is it oxytocin seeking?
Like, what, what does it need? And giving your, giving your body a, a permission to speak for you. Mm. Speak to you. Right. And then you giving yourself permission to listen to it, not listening to the world. And we, we gotta work, work, work, work, work. We gotta do, do, do, do, do. We gotta be married, we gotta have kids.
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta, we gotta make the money, we gotta do the thing. But like, what does your body say? And giving yourself permission to listen to that. So a gentle return home safety, softness, being present with yourself, meeting yourself, doing that mirror work, looking at yourself, figuring out who the heck that person is on the other side.
Robrenna: Yep.
Leontyne: Just allowing yourself to heal and allowing yourself to feel.
Robrenna: Mm-hmm.
Leontyne: Because, no, no. No, no regrets, no inhibitions. Just if I need to cry, I need to cry.
Robrenna: Right.
Leontyne: If I need to dance, I need to dance. Mm-hmm. It's, it's okay. So yeah, it's just, uh, it is an invitation home. Yeah. And your body should feel like home.
Robrenna: Yeah. I like that. Well, uh, teen, how can our audience, how can they connect with you?
Leontyne: Uh, so, uh, my, my daughter says I'm old, and I don't have, uh, I don't use Instagram a lot. I don't use TikTok as much as I should. I do. I am on TikTok, the relationship saver on TikTok. I just should post more. Um, and then our website is the rc.com, the relationship corner.com.
Um, follow me on Facebook. Any on, um, just my name, Tyne Evans. Nothing special. Um, and I'm always an email or call away and all of my information is on my social media platform, so, okay.
Robrenna: I will put that information in the show notes.
Leontyne: Yes.
Robrenna: And I wanna thank you, teen for this honest and needed conversation. I appreciate it.
Thank
Leontyne: you. I'm so glad you had me. I'm so glad I connected with you. Thank you so much.
Robrenna: Yeah. Well, to everyone listening your body is not a battlefield. It's your home, as team said, and you deserve to feel safe, free, and whole within it again.
You can find information about today's guest in the show notes. If something you heard today stirred recognition or softened something within you, allow yourself a moment to pause and breathe. Reclaiming HER Resilience is executive produced and edited by me, Robrenna Parker. If this podcast encourages you, I invite you to follow, subscribe, or leave a review.
This podcast is published by RHR Media Co. Where voice is honored, and the story unfolds. RHR Media Co is the publishing and media arm of Reclaiming Her Resilience, LLC, creating story-centered media that honors voice, restores agency, and invites women back into authorship of their own lives. Your story matters, and you're not alone, and it deserves to be held with care, consent, and choice until we meet again.
Take gentle care.
